Premature ejaculation is a problem for many men.
Maybe that includes YOU. After all, you’re here, reading a website on how to not nut fast and prevent premature ejaculation.
But the fantastic news is that even if you ejaculate more quickly than you want right now, there is a guaranteed solution.
Do you like the idea of being able to actually choose when you ejaculate during lovemaking? (And feel like a real man in bed.)
Can you imagine how your partner would look at you if you were able to give her long lasting sex with complete ejaculatory control? (Adoringly, with devotion.)
And can you imagine how you’d feel after lengthy sex during which your partner had an orgasm before you enjoyed your own orgasm and ejaculation? (Powerful and masculine.)
And what if sex was like this every time you made love? (How amazing would that be?)
Why Does the Length Of Intercourse Matter?
Women really admire men who can control their ejaculation – and when you can do this, sex becomes a passionate, enjoyable, relaxed experience, free of anxiety.
Indeed, you’ll find women feel much more attracted to you; they’ll actually feel sexier and want to make love much more often.
And you know what? Overcoming premature ejaculation is easy. With the help of some simple, powerful, and little-known techniques you can have total control of your ejaculation within weeks, if not days (read about these techniques here).
Men who can stop their premature ejaculation, men who can choose when to ejaculate, men with good sexual skills, all feel great about themselves in and out of the bedroom, because they are sexually self-confident and feel masculine.
That has massive effects on your relationship. Because, as you know, what women really want is a powerful, masculine man in bed (and in your relationship).
So, if you’re feeling things could be improved in bed, or if you have no self-control during sex, it’s definitely time to do something about it.
So what’s the real truth about PE? How easy is it to stop rapid ejaculation?
Can you really find out how to prevent it? What are the facts behind the myths – and do men really need to feel so bad about something which is so common?
To prevent you being taken in by some of the con men out there, peddling so-called cures for premature ejaculation, I’m going to answer these questions, using my knowledge and experience gained from 12 years’ work as a sex therapist, helping men with all kinds of sexual problems:
What is premature ejaculation, exactly – and how can it be prevented?
How many men experience premature ejaculation?
And just what is the normal length of intercourse, anyway?
What makes a man ejaculate prematurely during lovemaking?
What can the average man do to stop this happening and last longer in bed, really?
Longer And Longer Sex Makes Things Better In Bed For All Concerned!
Over the years many attempts have been made to define premature ejaculation (also known as rapid or early ejaculation, and often abbreviated to “PE”).
One of the difficulties in defining PE is because deciding what constitutes “normal” sexual activity is so variable between couples. If we knew how long sex lasted on average, if we knew what was the average length of normal sexual intercourse for men and women, it would be easier to simply state, for example, a man who came within five minutes of penetration was ejaculating prematurely.
But….. it’s not so simple. The first problem is that we just don’t know the average duration of sexual intercourse, although some research has have suggested it’s between four and seven minutes from the moment of penetration to the moment of ejaculation (this period is the intravaginal ejaculatory latency time, also known as the latency time, or IELT for short). The second problem is that many couples would find five minutes of intercourse perfectly satisfying, provided there was enough foreplay.
And what if PE causes dissatisfaction or a lack of sexual fulfillment due to intercourse not lasting long enough? Should we define it by the IELT? In reality, therapists, clinicians and scientists alike have taken both approaches, and neither is completely adequate.
From a pragmatic point of view, most therapists who offer premature ejaculation treatment would certainly wish to include some reference to the sexual satisfaction and fulfillment of the partners. This approach avoids the need to try and specify the exact length of time that sexual intercourse “should” last. (Thank heavens!)
On balance it is probably the best approach, because the length of intercourse certainly is very variable and depends on many factors which are completely unique and known only to the couple concerned. So you’ll see at once this means that two minutes of sex could be very satisfying for one couple while completely inadequate for another. Even so, if both partners are satisfied with this level of sexual “staying power”, and the woman has no longing for longer in bed, so to speak, is this a case of premature ejaculation, and is there any need for the man to control his ejaculation?
Having said all that, a man who ejaculates before or just after penetration every time he has sex has premature or rapid ejaculation because of his early climax. And this is a problem which needs treating, since there is likely to be little or no sexual satisfaction or pleasure during intercourse for the woman, and maybe the man, too.
To clarify this further, a man may be able to prolong the IELT for eight minutes during sexual intercourse, but if he and his partner are fully satisfied with this then that hardly constitutes a lack of ejaculatory control. Another man might be able to delay ejaculation for, let’s say, 15 minutes but still be dissatisfied with his performance if his partner prefers intercourse to last longer. This might be the case if, for example, she was able to reach orgasm after 30 minutes of vaginal intercourse.
(One of the advantages claimed for men with delayed ejaculation is that they can bring their partners to orgasm due to prolonged thrusting – a tenuous advantage at best! See www.make-love-easily.com for more on delayed ejaculation.)
On balance therefore, the most practical, albeit lengthy, definition of rapid ejaculation is this: when the man consistently ejaculates before he and his partner have achieved full sexual satisfaction – even though this may have a different meaning for different couples), or in less than four minutes on more than 50% of the occasions on which he and his partner have sexual intercourse.
And despite the precision implied by that definition, it’s worth remembering this: first of all, few women reach orgasm through vaginal intercourse, so any definition which implicitly or explicitly defines “satisfaction” for the woman as “reaching orgasm through intercourse” is inherently flawed.
Second, if the couple are satisfied with their sex life and not experiencing stress or distress because the man does not know how to control premature ejaculation, then he is not really experiencing premature ejaculation.
Third, treatment will probably only be necessary when either a man or his partner, or both, are dissatisfied with his performance in bed and wish to extend the length of time between penetration and ejaculation.
The DSM IV Diagnostic and Statistical Manual lists the criteria for defining premature ejaculation as follows: (1) persistent and recurrent ejaculation with minimal sexual stimulation before, on, or shortly after penetration and before the person wishes it; (2) marked distress or interpersonal difficulty; and (3) it is not exclusively due to direct effects.
Another factor which makes it extremely difficult to define what is normal or average in matters of the bedroom is that what is considered a normal duration between penetration and a man’s climax varies dramatically from country to country, not to mention between couples. We can say with some certainty, however, that between 30 and 50% of the male population in all societies want to last longer on the chaise longue than they are currently able to. This makes inability to delay ejaculation the most common sexual complaint among men worldwide. What you hear about sex on the casting couch may not be true!
One of the more useful categorisation of premature ejaculation is the division into Primary PE and Secondary PE. Primary PE refers to rapid ejaculation in men who have come quickly since the first time they bedded a woman. Secondary PE refers to rapid ejaculation which began later in life after a man has previously been bedding women successfully, without coming too soon, and then develops a problem around the duration of intercourse.
Cultural differences exist between the sheets, too: for example, in Germany the average period between penetration and climax among men is only seven minutes, but men in the United States claim it’s thirteen minutes. And although measuring your length, as the cliché has it, may have different connotations in the two countries, what probably exists here is really a cultural pressure in the USA for men to perform sexually to a certain standard. (But do see the note on circumcision below).
Generally women estimate the length of time for which their men are able to delay ejaculation fairly accurately, although they consistently estimate the length of sex slightly lower than their male partners — which may be an indication of some level of dissatisfaction with the time for which intercourse continues.
Estimates suggest that lack of control affects between 30% and 50% of the male population: this means the number of men who ejaculate before they or their partners wish them to do so. Some evidence in the United States suggests that up to 70% of men can be could be classified as having PE, although far fewer men actually seek treatment for the condition: some probably don’t even perceive it as a problem, even if their partners do.
The Global Study of Sexual Attitudes and Behaviors (GSSAB), collected data from more than 27,000 men and women aged between 40 and 80 years; men and women were represented in roughly equal proportions, and the data was obtained using face-to-face interviews, telephone interviews, and mailed questionnaires.
Once again this data indicated a prevalence of PE of around 30%, except, interestingly enough, in the Middle East, where the frequency was reported as 12%. The survey undoubtedly reflects cultural differences since it’s been suggested that men in this region regard early ejaculation as a sign of potency and virility. Continuance of intercourse clearly means little here…
We should also bear in mind that one of the possibilities which may affect regional differences in the longer period of sex is how many men are circumcised. Circumcision is associated with keratinization – particularly after a long period of time – and desensitization of the glans penis, which may reduce penile sensitivity and increase the latency time during intercourse.
It’s also possible that attitudes to sex in Protestant and Catholic countries have some influence on perception and reporting of PE. Muslim societies may have a view of sexuality which denigrates the sexual needs of women, and inclines men to regard rapid ejaculation as a desirable masculine trait.
The GSSAB also revealed that PE continuance is consistent between the ages of 18 and 59 years, which might imply that older men should find ways of teaching younger men how to lengthen sex, and pleasure women successfully. Fat chance.
Good premature ejaculation treatment is actually quite important for young men, who are in a period of life where they are learning about sexual behaviors and sexual skills, and their relationship skills are still developing.
In summary therefore, we can say that establishing the true frequency of lack of control is difficult, which is hardly surprising since we don’t really have a clear and uniformly accepted definition of “normal” let alone “premature” latency times. But even in the absence of a clear definition of PE, and also without validated and accurate studies to support these conclusions, it’s obvious that male inability to overcome premature ejaculation is widespread and affects many couples globally. In summary, about 30% to 50% come too soon for their liking, and the “normal” – i.e. acceptable – IELT appears to be between four and seven minutes.